7/26/22 Journal: David Sedaris

I want to write about something, but my wife said it’s too personal, and since I love and respect her, I acquiesced. I ain’t saying shit. It sucks though, because my writing method for this blog is to write whatever the hell is on my mind and just run with it.

Sooooooo what else what else? Oh, I just finished David Sedaris’ latest book, Happy-Go-Lucky. If you’ve never read him, he’s an essayist who gets published, well, everyfuckingwhere, then repurposes those essays, along with some all-new ones, in books that immediately become bestsellers. And deservedly so; his writing is amazing, his humor can be very dark, and his honesty is brutal. He doesn’t give a shit about political correctness.

Here’s a dirty secret: that last sentence is one of my motivating factors for writing a book. You can write whatever you want! There’s no “Share” button in a book! You can’t screen cap a book! You can’t go viral and get canceled! Okay, I suppose that’s not entirely true, but it’s a hell of a lot harder. For a passage of mine to blow up and get me in hot water, some horrible excuse for a human being* would actually have to type out what I wrote word-for-word to post it, and there’s no way plain-ass text will get any traction in this ADHD world.

*I suppose I could’ve just used ‘millennial’ here.

A lot of you probably think I’ve matured over the last few years, and I gotta tell you, you couldn’t be more wrong. I still think up awful jokes that would probably offend 40% of my followers, and I still want to post them, but I’m a financial professional with a family to support now. I simply can’t post the kind of things I used to when I was a standup comedian. I don’t have that freedom anymore.

But the book…oh, man, the book will have all the things. All the stories. All the what-really-happened. I can’t wait.

I checked Sedaris’ book out from my local library using my Kindle and a Libby account. I did some research and found out that he still gets paid for that. The library will buy a digital copy, and once it’s checked out 26 times, they have to buy another digital copy. Good. I’m glad he’s getting paid even then.

Did you know that he sells out theaters for readings? People pay money to listen to him read the same essays he publishes in his books! When I found that out, it was like being hit by a ton of bricks. I tell people all the time I don’t miss being a comedian, but I do miss the stage. While I enjoy writing for print more than writing for the stage, there is no replacement for the booming laughs you hear in a comedy club when a joke lands just right.

And this motherfucker just sits there and reads!!! Do you know how hard it is to do actual standup comedy, where you have to pretend you didn’t write, practice and memorize all your shit beforehand? David Sedaris cracked the code! He hacked entertainment!

So anyway, yes, in my craziest fantasies, that’s what I’ll be doing. Writing my crap, reading my crap out loud, and taking your money.

Hey, a man’s gotta have a dream.

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  • July 26, 2022
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