Joseph C. Simmons

Today’s the day. I’ve had this picture in my head of what a normal, productive day should look like. The kind of day that, if I followed the same routine every time, would lead me to accomplishing all my goals. I’d get some exercise in, I’d work on my book,...

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  • August 3, 2022

“Do you have a place in your mind you go to when you need to de-stress and relax?” Evi asked. I thought for a moment. “You mean some imaginary place, like a beach or meadow?” “It doesn’t have to be imaginary,” she replied. “It could be a place you’ve actually...

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  • August 2, 2022

Last Tuesday, Evi woke up feeling so miserable she asked me to take Norah to her scheduled appointment with the pediatrician. “Park in the back,” my wife said. “I told them Norah hasn’t felt well, so they’re going to come out and give her a Covid test before letting her...

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  • August 1, 2022

Evi and I have more or less decided that two kids is enough. At my age, it’s probably too many, but since there’s nothing we can do about that, we’ve decided to control what we can control and shut the factory down. Here’s what’s weird: let’s say we have an...

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  • July 28, 2022
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So say they say the best time to build a business is in a recession. I don’t know who ‘they’ is, or whether they’re masochistic or not, but I guess I’m going to test their theory. I don’t really have much of a choice. Confession time: The mortgage business has...

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  • July 27, 2022

I want to write about something, but my wife said it’s too personal, and since I love and respect her, I acquiesced. I ain’t saying shit. It sucks though, because my writing method for this blog is to write whatever the hell is on my mind and just run with...

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  • July 26, 2022
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Sometime around 1992 I took a Creative Writing class at what was then known as Edison Community College. It was a requirement that I took some kind of English class, and the word “Creative” made it seem like fun, so that was what I went with. Besides, my friends Eddie...

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  • July 25, 2022
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Admit it, you thought I was going to skip yesterday, didn’t you? I almost did. I started writing early yesterday morning, got interrupted, then the day just kind of got away from me. It wasn’t until late last night that I was able to finish bitching about the book again....

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  • July 21, 2022

As I’ve said one jillion times, I’m publishing a book sometime in 2022. It’s mostly a collection of the best humor essays I’ve written over the last seventeen years. My wife made it sound easy. “Just copy and paste them into Amazon, hit ‘Publish’, and you’re done! What are you...

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  • July 20, 2022
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I’m going to guess that over the next few weeks you’ll see me posting a little more about my day job, where I’m a very talented mortgage banker. The reasons are twofold: One is self-serving; my business has slowed down quite a bit due to the market, and I know...

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  • July 19, 2022

Okay, you know how I’d been bitching about how I went a month-and-a-half always having some stupid ailment? Well, the Saturday before last it was all over. I woke up, had a cup of coffee, and realized, holy shit, I feel great! Later that afternoon, while wading in the $32...

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  • July 18, 2022

Going to the Naples office today. It’s a solid 45-60 minute trip one way, so it’s not something I do often, but it is my official office. It’s on my business cards, email signature and everything. I don’t need to go, but I need to go. Due to the near-hour...

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  • July 14, 2022

I hate coming up with titles. That’s why the blogs I’ve posted since February are all titled simply with the date and the word “Journal”. The only reason I add a descriptor after the colon is to make the essay easier to find later if I need it. And I...

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  • July 13, 2022
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Rooting around in the pantry looking for a snack yesterday, I could hear Norah crying about something. If you’ve ever had a two-year-old, you know that’s not unusual. It’s basically background noise you don’t hear anymore, like the air conditioner, the refrigerator, or a carjacking in the Bronx. But this...

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  • July 12, 2022

I finished off the Obi-Wan series on Disney this morning, and thank God I did, because I needed The Force this afternoon. Oh, everything started out well enough. We bought some water toys last night for the girls to play with in their inflatable pool, so they wanted to jump...

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  • July 11, 2022

Had another Zoom meeting with the guys I’m working with on an animated pilot. It’s going pretty well. Well, okay, I’m absolutely the last person on Earth who can characterize how an animated pilot is going; I’ve never worked on one in my life and have no idea what the...

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  • July 8, 2022
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