Wednesday night, my wife Evi and I attended our first-ever childbirthing class. I wasn’t exactly excited. Two hours of listening to someone talk about how a woman somehow shoves what looks like a nine-pound ham out of her vagina isn’t my idea of scintillating entertainment. Not to mention, a week...
Evi was lying on the bed, looking miserable. She was on her usual side, with one hand on her pregnant belly, and the other over her eyes. Next to her was a small stack of mini Milky Way bars, all of them unopened. My first thought: Unopened? Something is definitely...
(My wife Evgeniya is standing at the doorway of our room, contemplating the arrangement of our furniture. I’m on my phone playing Clash of Clans.) Evi: “Joe, we need to rearrange the furniture.” Me: “NO we don’t! We just rearranged the furniture three weeks ago! Evi: “It doesn’t feel right. It...
When Evi and I decided to move from New York City to Cape Coral, Florida last January, we knew we were going to take our time and enjoy the trip. I believe one reason was that we both enjoy road trips; another was we weren’t in any hurry to start...
Evgeniya is sleeping in the passenger seat, clasping her hands above her pregnant belly, just below her breasts. We had a long day of adventures, which I guess wore her out. Her lips appear to almost smile. She looks so damn cute asleep. It occurs to me that at the...
An old high school friend texted me yesterday asking me if my wife Evi and I wanted a beautiful, like-new baby crib, absolutely free. Hey, sounds like a great deal! I should just go ahead and accept the offer, right? No offense, but if you’re a married man and answered “yes”,...
Evgeniya has been playing classical music (the orchestral kind, not Lynyrd Skynyrd) for our unborn daughter every night for a couple of weeks. It’s supposed to help with her brain development. She’s simply finding it on YouTube and playing it through her noise canceling headphones, which she spreads over her...
Evi: “Can you get the blah blah blah with the blah blah?” Server: “No, it only comes as blah blah blah.” Evi: “Can you exchange blah for yada yada yada?” Server: “Yes, but it’ll be additional charge.” Evi: “Does yada yada yada come with fresh salad?” Server: “No, but you...
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