At some point earlier in the year, I declared that my book would be published by the end of 2022. Absolutely, definitely, no-doubt-about-it that thing was as good as done, mark my words. However… …unless an extraordinary amount of unusual productivity happens in the next two days, I will have...
By the time you read this, it’ll be my oldest daughter Sasha’s fifth birthday. And thank God, too, because I’m sick of hearing about the plans for it. I’m not kidding. I think my wife Evi started talking about this shit in February. Over the months there were mentions of...
One morning last week, Evi made Pillsbury Crescents, which are something like croissants, but with a different name. That’s the only difference I can tell. I imagine that since they don’t use the word ‘croissant’, it must be some cheap imitation, like how they use ‘cheez’ or ‘cheese product’ when...
I finished off the Obi-Wan series on Disney this morning, and thank God I did, because I needed The Force this afternoon. Oh, everything started out well enough. We bought some water toys last night for the girls to play with in their inflatable pool, so they wanted to jump...
Evi is loading the kids into the van to go to the gym as I type. We have a membership to one here in Cape Coral, and I’ve been there so frequently that I’ve forgotten the name of it. It’s stupid that I’m not going; I think I pay $50/month...
Did you know that right now, as you read this, you’re simply floating in a vat of cerebrospinal fluid? Okay, maybe not your body, but that’s what your brain is doing, and that really is the “you” part of you. Think about it: your brain is inside your skull, where...
“My God, I am so exhausted.” It was 7:30 PM and Evi looked like she was about to collapse. Not only did our daughters make consistent, warlike attempts to wreck the house (after supposedly being too sick to go to school), Evi attended some two-hour webinar on her metaverse project,...
So my wife is building a deck. Yes, you read that right. Evgeniya, the love of my life, my delicate flower, the former fashion model, has started building a deck in our back yard. Okay, first off, here’s a piece of advice: never call my wife a ‘delicate flower’. She...
All three of us were in our bedroom, Evi hanging clean laundry on a clothes rack and Baby Sasha and I doing nothing in particular on the bed. I don’t remember why, but I lost track of Sasha for a moment. On Evi’s side of the bed, I stood up...
There was a time when membership in Generation X meant you were young, wild, and carefree. Commercials for brands like Mountain Dew or Coors Light featured Gen Xers–replete with dreadlocks, piercings, and tattoos–snowboarding, bungee jumping, or skydiving while loud grunge music played. The obvious subliminal message was, If you drink...
A few weeks ago, Evgeniya convinced me to take a morning off to join her and Sasha at some baby-related event at the Cape Coral Public Library. I can’t remember which event it was, as the library hosts several, such as Baby Rhyme Time, Baby Story Time, Baby Music Time,...
Baby Sasha seemingly learns something new every day. I’d like to say she’s “early” or “ahead of schedule” but the truth is, I have no idea when the hell babies are supposed to do anything. Do they start walking at 10 months or five years? When are they supposed to...
3:15 AM: Experiencing weird dream in which I’m looking in vain for a protein bar. 3:17 AM: Woke up starving. 3:17:31 AM: In pitch black darkness, stumbled my way to the kitchen. 3:18 AM: Recreated my dream. Failed to notice life imitating subconscious. 3:19 AM: FOUND PROTEIN BAR 3:19:48 AM:...
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