Generation Z is Stupid While Sasha is Loud

There was a time when membership in Generation X meant you were young, wild, and carefree. Commercials for brands like Mountain Dew or Coors Light featured Gen Xers–replete with dreadlocks, piercings, and tattoos–snowboarding, bungee jumping, or skydiving while loud grunge music played. The obvious subliminal message was, If you drink Coors Light, you could be this cool.

As a certified Gen Xer, I can tell you none of that stuff ever happened. Coors Light mostly made me drunk. I certainly never felt tempted to board, jump or dive from anything. I probably would’ve thrown up from just the thought.

This makes me curious as to how they’re advertising to the current youth, supposedly called “Generation Z”. While my generation was definitely known for some recklessness, this current one may be a little more, no offense…stupid.

I mean, we all know about the Tide pods thing by now, right? And while that was certainly idiotic and downright deadly, I don’t even have a proper adjective to describe the latest craze, which is–

Wait a second, before I reveal it, I should probably warn you, it is really fucking stupid. If you want to have any faith in humanity, any shred of hope that we have a collective future, you should probably click out of this essay right now.

Seriously. You should go.

Still here?

You idiot.

Okay, the new craze for kids is: To jump out of a moving car to dance to Drake.

Seriously. It’s actually a thing right now:

i almost died #Kekechallenge #KIKIDOYOULOVEME pic.twitter.com/ZkEExvN9ep

— Barbara Kopylova (@baabsxx) July 15, 2018

LMFAOOOOO pic.twitter.com/iUCVN19qWm

— carolina🍊 (@caarolin9) July 15, 2018

You thought I was exaggerating, didn’t you? And lest you think this is only a few cases of stupidity, no less of an entity that the National Traffic Safety Board had to address it in a blog post.

Yeah, so, anyway, I feel a lot better about my generation now.

Baby Sasha Update: Our little Bubby can now stand on her own for about a second and a half, before hilariously falling on her ass. She also seems to be figuring out that I’m “Dada” and Evi is “Mamama”. 

Unfortunately, what she hasn’t figured out is how to shut the hell up in restaurants. Yesterday, for the first time, we got some dirty looks from someone in a casual Mexican place in Cape Coral. I mean, I get it: you went to a restaurant to eat great food and enjoy the ambience and some little shit would occasionally yell. But I’ve been in your shoes before, and I never gave a dirty look; in fact, I never felt anger. I always felt sympathy for the parents. But maybe that’s because I’m such an incredibly nice guy and you’re a complete douche. 

Whoops, sorry. Happy blog, happy blog…

The Evi Breaks Everything Update: Our electric tea kettle no longer works. While I can’t prove Evi did it, I’m blaming her anyway because it makes my life easier. And that boatload of iPhone chargers I ordered from Amazon last week came in. So far, so good. I predict mine lasts until Evi steals them because she broke hers in two months.