Sometime around late 2005, my sister Lori and I were over at our parents’ house, minding our own business, when out of nowhere Mom attacked us with pictures from her and Dad’s Carnival cruise. There was no way out. The only choice was to endure; telling ourselves it will all...
For whatever reason, there’s some kind of stigma about stating you’re “part Cherokee”. I have no idea why; there are so many other Native American tribes out there. All I know is that if you say you’re part Sioux, Seminole, or Chickasaw, nobody rolls their eyes at you. I mention this,...
On top of the chest of drawers next to Evi’s side of the bed, I noticed a book she’d checked out of the Cape Coral Public Library. I think it was delivered to our local branch from another one specifically for her, as it was wrapped with a receipt-like paper...
Hitting the “1” button next to the elevator, I’d caught a glimpse of my shirt sleeve, then my entire outfit. It was the third straight day I’d worn the same thing. There’s no way I don’t stink by now, I thought as the doors opened. I suppose it isn’t uncommon...
Right off the bat, let me say for the record: I’m no hero. I generally don’t like to publicize or even talk about any good deeds I’ve done, but since my wife Evgeniya already spilled the beans about my most recent one, I’m going to tell the world who the...
Wednesday night, my wife Evi and I attended our first-ever childbirthing class. I wasn’t exactly excited. Two hours of listening to someone talk about how a woman somehow shoves what looks like a nine-pound ham out of her vagina isn’t my idea of scintillating entertainment. Not to mention, a week...
When Evi and I decided to move from New York City to Cape Coral, Florida last January, we knew we were going to take our time and enjoy the trip. I believe one reason was that we both enjoy road trips; another was we weren’t in any hurry to start...
Evgeniya is sleeping in the passenger seat, clasping her hands above her pregnant belly, just below her breasts. We had a long day of adventures, which I guess wore her out. Her lips appear to almost smile. She looks so damn cute asleep. It occurs to me that at the...
About a year ago, my wife began dropping hints about starting a family. While we agreed before marriage that we both wanted children, we never discussed exactly when. Turned out, my thinking was more “anytime before the apocalypse would be fine” while she was more “let’s conceive yesterday”. I had...
“Is it a Turbo?” “I don’t think so,” I said. “You should race him.” “You can’t tell if it’s a Turbo or not?” I looked again through the passenger side window at the red Porsche 944 next to us, stopped at a traffic light. I knew that any boosted Porsche...
(Note: This essay was originally posted on NYCTourGuy.com, a blog I managed when I lived in New York City. That blog will be taken down soon, and I’ll be moving all of that content here, dated as of its original posting.) I was told for about the one millionth...
(Note: This blog was originally posted on NYCTourGuy.com, a blog I managed when I lived in New York City. That blog will be taken down soon, and I’ll be moving all of that content here, post-dated at its original dates.) I was down in the 15th St-Prospect Park subway...
A few days ago, fellow comedian Deric Cahill and I were at work in our Verizon store when he proudly called out to me that he’d bought a box of Twinkies. He didn’t offer me one; he just wanted me to know he had them. He seemed a little more...
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