Humor
Wednesday night, my wife Evi and I attended our first-ever childbirthing class. I wasn’t exactly excited. Two hours of listening to someone talk about how a woman somehow shoves what looks like a nine-pound ham out of her vagina isn’t my idea of scintillating entertainment. Not to mention, a week...
- July 23, 2017
- 1
Evi was lying on the bed, looking miserable. She was on her usual side, with one hand on her pregnant belly, and the other over her eyes. Next to her was a small stack of mini Milky Way bars, all of them unopened. My first thought: Unopened? Something is definitely...
- July 17, 2017
(My wife Evgeniya is standing at the doorway of our room, contemplating the arrangement of our furniture. I’m on my phone playing Clash of Clans.) Evi: “Joe, we need to rearrange the furniture.” Me: “NO we don’t! We just rearranged the furniture three weeks ago! Evi: “It doesn’t feel right. It...
- July 16, 2017
Twitter: “HEY JOE! Great to see you! It’s been months, right?” Me: “Hey Twitter. Sorry it’s been awhile. Anyway, notifications please.” Twitter: “Well, this tweet was interesting and a bunch of your friends liked this tweet and–“ Me: “No no no, I said NOTIFICATIONS. My stuff. I don’t give a...
- July 12, 2017
When Evi and I decided to move from New York City to Cape Coral, Florida last January, we knew we were going to take our time and enjoy the trip. I believe one reason was that we both enjoy road trips; another was we weren’t in any hurry to start...
- July 9, 2017
An old high school friend texted me yesterday asking me if my wife Evi and I wanted a beautiful, like-new baby crib, absolutely free. Hey, sounds like a great deal! I should just go ahead and accept the offer, right? No offense, but if you’re a married man and answered “yes”,...
- June 25, 2017
WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) In a stunning development that is sure to reverberate throughout the Beltway, President Donald Trump just terminated the employment of the new Director of the FBI before he or she has even been selected. This potentially sets a dangerous precedent for the powers of the...
- June 21, 2017
Evgeniya has been playing classical music (the orchestral kind, not Lynyrd Skynyrd) for our unborn daughter every night for a couple of weeks. It’s supposed to help with her brain development. She’s simply finding it on YouTube and playing it through her noise canceling headphones, which she spreads over her...
- June 4, 2017
- 15
(Note: This essay was originally posted on NYCTourGuy.com, a blog I managed when I lived in New York City. That blog will be taken down soon, and I’ll be moving all of that content here, dated as of its original posting.) I was told for about the one millionth...
- December 5, 2015
(Note: This essay was originally posted on NYCTourGuy.com, a blog I managed when I lived in New York City. That blog will be taken down soon, and I’ll be moving all of that content here, dated as of its original posting.) I only get a half hour for lunch,...
- November 7, 2015
(Note: This essay was originally posted on NYCTourGuy.com, a blog I managed when I lived in New York City. That blog will be taken down soon, and I’ll be moving all of that content here, dated as of its original posting.) “You want a Gummi Bear?” It was my...
- October 5, 2015
A few days ago, fellow comedian Deric Cahill and I were at work in our Verizon store when he proudly called out to me that he’d bought a box of Twinkies. He didn’t offer me one; he just wanted me to know he had them. He seemed a little more...
- September 9, 2013
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