2/21/22 Journal: Continents

During a recent workday in our home office, Evi and I got into a discussion about how many continents there are. She pretty much automatically said “seven” but I had to count. “So Asia is one, then Europe, Africa, North America, South America, Central America–“

“Central America?!?” Evi interrupted. “That’s not a continent. That’s just an area.”

“Of course it’s a continent! Don’t interrupt me while I’m counting.”

“It is absolutely not. Google it.”

At this point, three things instantly dawned on me:

1. I’ve lived my entire life thinking Central America is a continent.
2. If North America goes all the way down through Mexico, and South America goes all the way up through Brazil, then Central America could only be that small area of land in between them. There’s no way that’s big enough to be a continent.
3. I’m a Simmons. This means I cannot lose an argument. “Death Before Concession” is our family motto.

“It absolutely IS a continent! A continent is a land mass that’s a group of countries! I grew up with a globe that had the big letters “Central America” over it!”

“I can’t believe you think it’s a continent,” said Evi. “What kind of educational system do you have here in the U.S.? Central America is a small section of North America. It’s a group of similar countries, like the Baltics.”

I grabbed the globe I’ve had since first grade. “Look, see? North America has big letters, South America has big letters, and Central Goddamn America has big letters! They’re all continents!”

Evi just looked at me. She pointed at Central America, with its way smaller letters, not to mention way smaller footprint. “You think…this is a continent?”

I felt myself losing. It was Red Alert. Shields were down to 28%. Time to deflect.

“Oh yeah? Then why is Europe and Asia two different continents? Huh, smarty-pants? They’re the same big-ass land mass! How did your educational system screw that up?”

“Continents are based on tectonic plates. They didn’t teach you that in school? How does a small area like Central America have its own tectonic plate?”

Shields down to 5%.

“Why are you refusing to Google this?” She asked.

Hull breach.

“I need to get back to work.”