4/13/22 Journal: The Exit From Facebook

I was chatting up* an old comedian friend the other day, when the discussion turned to Facebook. We both pretty much agreed: we wanted out. Neither of us got really descriptive or in depth about why we wanted to leave. I think the operative phrase was “sucks balls”.**

*Conversation starter: “Would you join my mailing list?”
**Comedians never grow up. Lord knows I’ve been fighting it.

Remember when you first joined? If it was anything like me, it was around 2007, as the smoke was clearing from the five-alarm fire that was MySpace. I think MySpacers mostly came holding their noses at the lack of customization or creativity Facebook allowed. They didn’t want to come to Facebook–they had to. MySpace was dead. If you wanted your social media dopamine, you had to get it from Mark Zuckerberg.

More importantly, owing to Facebook’s cleaner, more sophisticated reputation, people who’d never dipped their toe in social networking were starting it there. A lot of my generation–Gen X–that would haughtily pooh-pooh any thought of joining ‘that immature’ MySpace were signing up for a Facebook account. Actual Baby Boomers were joining, for Christ’s sake.

And it was fun, I guess. Lord knows I’ve certainly played around a lot. But it also became a gigantic monolith. It its attempts to please everybody, it basically stifles anybody. For example, the other day Evi and I were talking about reality and wondering if we’re living in some kind of simulation. She joked that she could punch me, which would prove that she’s real. I posted that anecdote as a comment on a thread in Facebook, and the comment got hidden, “because it might be offensive“. For shame! What about the children?

Some-the-hell-how, I’ve never been in Facebook Jail, but I can only imagine it’s a matter of time. A lot of my friends–especially comedians–are repeat offenders. My guess is, once your account has been temporarily suspended once, the algorithm pays a lot more attention to what you post, which leads to a higher likelihood of you getting suspended again. I don’t want to be a Facebook recidivist.

So yes, I’m planning my exit. Sort of.

The truth is, I’ll probably never actually delete my account. I can’t. I’ve built up too much brand equity on there. As a mortgage banker, deleting Facebook would probably cost me three to six a loans a year. As a writer who’s going to be selling a book, well, only a Goddamn fool would delete any of their online presence at a time like that.

But I don’t see myself posting much more than occasional family pictures anymore. Maybe a funny joke here and there. Definitely no more long posts or essays of any type. That’s why I write here now–so I don’t feel the temptation there.

And I’m kind of done with scrolling down my Facebook feed. Oh, I imagine I’ll still do that occasionally when I have nothing else to do. But please don’t be offended if I formerly gave you ‘likes’ on posts and you’re seeing them less frequently. I still love you. I’ll see your stuff next time I’m on the crapper.*

*you’re welcome for that mental image

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