My Day Went To The Dogs

(Note: This essay was originally posted on NYCTourGuy.com, a blog I managed when I lived in New York City. That blog will be taken down soon, and I’ll be moving all of that content here, dated as of its original posting.)

First off, I don’t want to hear any crap from you about my blogging streak ending. IT IS NOT OVER. I know that yes, technically, I didn’t blog on Wednesday, June 29th according to the calendar. But as far as I’m concerned, if I haven’t gone to bed yet, the day is not over. The calendar can go suck it.

The reason I’m not blogging until, Jesus, 1:30 am is that I just experienced the longest day of my life. I’m not exaggerating when I say I spent two and a half hours on subway trains today, and another SIX hours in New York City traffic. Oh, and I also walked up this Goddamn thing:

This is not photoshop

When Google Maps told me I needed to walk up those stairs, I honestly thought there must be some mistake. There’s no way that torture device is part of any commute. When I reloaded Maps and it said the same thing, well, I let out a long list of epithets that I won’t mention here. OKAY I ALSO ADMIT I’M OUT OF SHAPE. When I got to the top, I thought I might die. My lungs were searing. I really need to hit a gym.

My favorite part of the day was Olive. Olive is the golden retriever poodle mix no wait maybe it was yellow lab poodle dog I met on the N train this morning. I’ve had dogs all my life until my last one died in 2007 (I love you, Smudge) and I decided not to replace her. Now that I live in NYC with a wife who’s allergic to animals and in an apartment that doesn’t allow them, a dog is pretty much an impossibility. So I have to get my puppy fixes whenever I can.

That’s why I was elated to meet Olive. I just happened to sit down right next to her on the train, and I immediately asked her owner, a sweet girl named Alyssa or Alisa or possibly Alissa, if I could pet her. She said “of course”, which was a mild relief because I always feel like a creeper when I ask a girl to pet her animal, especially if she’s pretty. (The girl.) (Well, shit, I guess also the animal.)

Olive loved me. She let me pet her the entire ride, and would wag her tail and lick my hands in excitement. Then, get this: she fell asleep on my lap. I had little hearts in my eyes.

“By the way, she’s totally hypoallergenic,” said Alyssa. “I have allergies as well, and Olive doesn’t bother me at all. Your wife may be fine with her.”

You hear that, Evi? We may be getting a doggy after all.

~J